Kenneth… was!

My Most Painful Lamentation by far! 

For many past moons, my heart always dangled this one great challenge for me to write a memorial for my late kid brother, Kenneth. Sometimes I've had to endure deep sobs of tears whenever the Spirit played back my childhood of yesteryears. 

Only God will ever know the amount of tears it took for me to write this loving dedication. You have to pen this for your family and generations to come, the Spirit would urge me on. O God, how I wish I could pen the same devotion about my two surviving brothers!. 

Alas! You people will never understand that it takes the truth, the whole truth and the whole uncompromised history I lived with my subjects. I can’t write lies about someone who hated even standing behind my shadow. 

Here's from my heart to you, if you care to embrace each word and line written in love as if my Kenneth passed away only yesterday. I dare you to dive with me inside this mysterious world of words where God lives. 

Feel my every breath and pounding heartbeats as I dive deep down my conscious and bring up Kenneth for you: just exactly how it felt for me back then as a five year-old. 

This true story is not told in 2022 by a fifty seven year old but genuinely told by a five-year-old inside me. I heretofore, give you my pain, my heartbeat, my tears and sorrows: Kenneth.... was! 

Kenneth… was!

Growing up as a child amongst six brothers and four big sisters was a tough call, there were no clear favourites for my mother. During this time in my early childhood, I already had two brothers behind me. Kenneth was the youngest and the lastborn.

Whatever you may call it, my big sister still can’t understand how I’m able to recall some of the things when I was just a child of five years-old? I cannot tell you either, all I know is that I always remember those days like the rising of the sun. I believe God uses the child within to help me remember my childhood history so vividly.

Well, Kenneth was my baby brother, and only God knows just how much I loved that boy! Kenneth must have been about three years old, and I was only five. O’ God, the boy was clever and very confident and did not take it kindly when other kids in our neighbourhood abused him.

My baby brother Kenneth was not a bully in any form but was always ready to defend himself whenever some dingily kid upset him. I watched him defend himself at least a dozen times. Oh no, I was really proud of my kid brother. Ken and I shared a deep connection, I don’t think anyone in our family ever took note. I was very defensive of my baby brother and always covered his back.

Kenneth was my anointed hero even though were both naïve kids. Looking back every now and then, I’d be wondering what Kenneth would have become as a grown man. I believe we’d still be living like David and Jonathan… we were bonded by blood!

My life changed when my kid brother suddenly fell ill, and his health deteriorated rapidly. It was hard for me to get my mind around this devastating situation of finding my hero-brother incapacitated as a child he was.

One day I found myself staring into my kid brother’s sunken eyes, he was in great pain. I touched and caressed his forehead and wiped his face with my palms as he stared at me, as if to say... help me big brother, I’m dying! This was the most painful goodbye I’ve had to say to my Kenneth.

O’ God, I still remember this sad day just like yesterday! It was a bright and a sunny morning. I believe I had put my kid brother in a wheelbarrow like I had done many times before… strangely, I don’t recall having any adults around us for those few minutes: I now believe God meant this for my goodbyes to Kenneth.

Kenneth was, and Kenneth passed away two days later, and I was devasted even though I didn’t understand death! Even as a child I was on this sad day, I really saw death in Kenneth’s eyes and every breath he took accelerated with heartbeats of pain and fear! Kenneth was...

Years after I came of age, I surmised that my Kenneth was poisoned by some evil and wicked person in our neighbourhood, and nothing will convince me otherwise. I do not understand why anyone would just get a kick from killing their neighbour’s child. Mind boggles, the evil that people do!

Nowadays, even though Kenneth has been gone for decades, I still have my days when my eyes well-up with tears; every time I wondered what I could have achieved if he was around! Every thought and memory about Kenneth come with a pounding beat of my awful painful loss! The little time God allowed me to spend with Kenneth, is powerful enough to help me soar above the painful clouds of my mourning!

I thank God for blessing and teaching that the best things in life are free: like loving my brother! Kenneth was, Kenneth will always be my hero… Kenneth was to me! Kenneth in Heaven and Kenneth in my heart and soul always! Sometimes, I feel like I didn’t sob enough for my departed brother… Kenneth was!

Kenneth Tribute Tearfully Written By: Sydney Pikelela Gutyungwa

© 03 November 2022

Featured Title Track: Movin' On

From The Title Album: Born 2 Groove

Smooth Jazz Artist: Euge Groove

© 2007

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