WHAT IF...

 

What If...

While walking alone inside the busy mall... my mind began asking me questions I had no answers for.

It is one thing to be put under heavy scrutiny by your mind and completely another... when suddenly, the other members of the body join in.

After walking up and down these planes of life for so many years... I still lack the necessary intelligence which comes with using the turf.

They say that life is a give and take situation but the same life unashamedly standby and watches on as I fumble to forge the way forward.

Scratching my head... yielded no pleasure or relief.

What If... One can’t even identify the right action to take. Yes I know, it’s a give and take but...

When and what am I supposed to know I must give no matter what even if it means a dead-end for me?

What If.... these same moments were booby-trapped by time and set up for my inevitable utter failure.

I remember the years gone by when I was just a naive boy. Oh God, how I wish to live in that lost world of mine again.

The world used to be so hugely unimaginable and yet small enough for me to touch the skies.

Life over mountains, hills, valleys and rugged planes used to call us out loud. 

Our echoing voices gave us confidence we too one day... will catch up with the real adult world.

What if... life for what is worth, was kind enough to lead and keep us away from all these dangerous alleys I find myself in today?

While my mind was wrestling me to the ground, my shoulders, arms and hands wasted no time to torment me even further.

What If... You let us put these bags down., this invisible heavy baggage we been carrying for all these decades?

It is one thing to buckle under your own weight and completely another to suffer the unbearable strains of finding yourself reliable for others too.

What If... I stayed and remained just as I was as a young boy... No falling in love and no children but be my own child.

I would carry myself to the end of the world without a care in the world. 

Perhaps this way, my life would feel way lighter than what it is now!

What If.... This is the only question which stretches from the past and into the future. 

I can always imagine the past and the future... the present remains a mystery. 

Our life flashes past like the blinking of the eyes.

One can never be too careful all the time. Sometimes there is a need to just let it all hang out.

Why can’t I go to bed and sleep peacefully without worrying about my secured doors.

What If...I was allowed by time to walk back all the missteps of my miserable life. 

We can push back the arms of the clock on the wall...correct and reset the hours.

But life’s ticking arms can never be turned back no matter what I do.

What If... my heart was able to retrace every single beat I have ever missed in my life.

Even if that was granted, I would still need the whole world around me to push back the needle of time. 

What If... is only what If is all about. It is as hard as trying to dream backwards.

My timestamp and presence in the life of all the people who crossed my paths... make it all difficult even for God to reset my time.

I believe God would do it for me  but no chance... time does God’s bidding. Forward that is...

What If... my heart could talk. Is there something new to gain from its conversation. 

Would I even have the time to listen. 

I had to hold my breath and prayed my mouth didn’t take part in my takedown.

What If... my eyes tried to recall everything I had seen in life... good or bad and demanded answers and update I didn’t have.

What If... I could sit on top of these clouds and watch my life ebbs away like ice in the sun. 

Would there be some comfort for my takeaway that yes... indeed this was the life I can proudly display for all the world to see.

What If... I had the power to get rid of the subordinate conjunction... IF...

every time my memories visit me.

No regrets, no tears and no whatever!

What If... Passionately Written By: Sydney Pikelela Gutyungwa 

© May 17th, 2024

Featured Title Song: Reunion

From The Title Album: Here We Go

Smooth Jazz Artist: Peter White 

© 2012

DISCLAIMERv

ALL COPYRIGHTED MUSIC VIDEOS USED IN THIS BLOG ARE NOT MONETIZED BUT USED ONLY TO HIGHLIGHT AND ENHANCE READING: POEMS, ESSAYS AND NARRATIVES OF THE AUTHOR. I DO NOT OWN ANY MUSIC COPYRIGHT: ALL VIDEOS ARE USED WITH DUE RESPECT TO THE ARTISTS IN FAIR USE MANNER!